What Motivates Us: The Surprising Truth Behind Human Drive
Why do some people seem effortlessly driven while others struggle to stay engaged—even with external rewards on offer? For decades, the common wisdom in schools, workplaces, and homes has been that the best way to motivate someone is through incentives: grades, bonuses, praise. But psychologists Richard Ryan and Edward Deci, the pioneers behind Self-Determination Theory (SDT), turned this idea on its head.
Their groundbreaking work reveals a truth that many of us feel but often don’t name: real, lasting motivation comes from within.
The Core of Motivation: A Different Kind of Fuel
From classrooms to corporate offices, we’ve been conditioned to think rewards will keep people moving. But Deci and Ryan’s early research showed the opposite—external rewards can sometimes undermine the very drive we’re trying to support. As Deci explains, “the critical distinction is not how much motivation someone has, but what kind of motivation is at play.”
This shift—from external control to inner engagement—leads us to what they call high-quality motivation. It's the type of motivation where people feel fully engaged, act with purpose, and find deep satisfaction in their efforts. And it’s rooted in three basic psychological needs:
Autonomy – the need to feel in charge of your actions.
Competence – the need to feel effective and capable.
Relatedness – the need to feel connected and cared for.
Meeting these needs fuels our inner fire.
Autonomy: The Power of Choice
“Freedom is nothing else but a chance to be better.” – Albert Camus
Autonomy isn’t about doing whatever we want—it’s about making choices that reflect who we are. When we feel we have a say in our actions, we experience integrity and motivation rises naturally. In contrast, when we’re pressured, even well-meaning tasks can feel like burdens.
How to foster autonomy:
Offer choices where possible.
Align activities with personal values.
Pause to understand and acknowledge your own feelings before acting.
Competence: Mastery Feeds Motivation
“People are not lazy. They simply have impotent goals—that is, goals that do not inspire them.” – Tony Robbins
Competence is the thrill of learning, growing, and seeing progress. We feel alive when we're challenged just enough to stretch, but not so much that we feel defeated. Success isn’t about being perfect—it's about feeling capable.
How to build competence:
Set goals that are realistic and meaningful.
Embrace feedback as a tool for growth.
Celebrate small wins and progress over perfection.
Relatedness: Motivation is Social
“A sense of belonging is a human need, just like the need for food and shelter.” – Brené Brown
We are deeply social beings. From early childhood through adulthood, the relationships we form shape our self-worth and sense of purpose. When we feel connected and supported, our motivation grows. When we feel isolated or misunderstood, it diminishes.
How to build relatedness:
Spend time in meaningful conversations and shared experiences.
Express appreciation and support to others.
Be open to receiving care—not just giving it.
Why Rewards Fall Short
While rewards can momentarily boost performance, they often diminish our natural interest—especially if overused or tied to control. As Deci and Ryan found, people may perform a task to get the reward, rather than because the task has value. Over time, this can weaken intrinsic motivation, making people less interested, not more.
In fact, brain studies show that when people feel autonomous, they make better decisions, experience greater satisfaction, and perform at a higher level. This applies across every arena of life—from parenting and education to leadership and therapy.
Motivation Is Not a Mystery—It’s a Mirror
Motivation isn’t something we have to chase. It’s something we can cultivate, by creating environments that respect our need for choice, help us feel capable, and connect us with others. As Ryan puts it, “Self-determination is about becoming the author of your own life.”
So the next time you wonder why motivation is low—yours or someone else's—ask not what reward is missing, but which psychological need isn’t being met.
Final Insight
As Viktor Frankl, psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, wisely said:
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
Motivation is not about manipulation. It’s about understanding what makes us human—and designing our lives around those truths. When we do, motivation stops being a struggle. It becomes something we carry with us, wherever we go.
